Of a grand Waagh that almost had no glory.
Twas the day of Orkzmas, such a wonderful time,
That even an Ork, learned how to rhyme.
Ya see there was this Boss, I think ya may know him,
He was rippling wit muscle, not a single part slim.
He was launchin his Waagh and ripping up Umies,
Using up Dakka to pulverize all of the punies.
But he was runnin’ out fast, no more Dakka left,
Except maybe a stray bullet, stuck in his chin’s cleft.
Aye but he knew the season well, he knew today was the day,
That today Santa Ork would come fast on his sleigh.
He need only wait, only bide a little time,
And that big rocket sled would zoom up from behind.
Santa Ork would have rockets, shootas, and cannons, The whole lot!
He may even bring stabbas for Snotta the grot.
On the other side o’ the galaxy Santa Ork was makin’ plans,
To bring Dakka and weapons to all a da clans.
He packed what they’d need to wreak havoc and pain,
He packed up the Dakka, labeled with every boyz name.
He was ready and set, his squigs tied to the sleigh,
It was time to set off and be on his way.
He cried out to the squigs, hollering each one’s name,
For the most part they listened, though not a one was tame.
“On Gnasher, On Basher,”
“On Gobbler and Schmu!”
“On Snagger, On Dragger,”
“On Bagga, and Mangroo!”
And like THAT they were off, out into space,
They had to be quick, It was all a big race.
To deliver the Dakka, to every boy in each Waagh,
He couldn’t slow down or get stuck in the fog.
The great rocket sleigh headed off fast to each world,
To each and every boy, Dakka and packages were hurled.
But suddenly, what’s this? Incoming fire?
Some humies were set up, now things looked dire.
They fired great cannons, and powerful guns at the sleigh,
As Santa Ork gets hit, him and the squigs, tumble away!
He crashed to the surface, Santa Ork was down!
And a mean ol’ humie walked over with a frown.
He was the meanest humie Ork-kind had ever known,
And he was gonna ruin Orkzmas, even if he had to do it alone.
It was Dead-eye Yarrick, the big mean umie.
Compared to the others he wasn’t actually that puny.
Then grumpy ol’ Yarrick, who was a Commissar,
Took all of the Dakka that was near and far.
Santa Boss yelled, “GIVE ME BAKKA DAT DAKKA!” But Yarrick said, “No.”
Leaving Santa Boss with nowhere to go.
Without any Dakka to bring the boyz and the Nobz,
All he could deliver were red boots and some gobs.
He had to make a plan, he had to think quick,
He may have to bash in Yarrick’s skull with just a regular ol’ stick.
Santa Boss ran up behind Yarrick, he charged with all his might,
He roared at Yarrick, “It won’t be a fair fight!”
“You gonna fight the boyz when they got no Dakka or bombs?”
“You’z the biggest sissies I’ve known since I met all yer moms!”
“The boyz can’t fight back, it’ll be a bleedin’ slaughter!”
“But I’ll get back that dakka, I’ll be the Waagh’s marter!”
And for a moment, Yarrick almost looked ashamed,
If it were a dishonorable fight, on him it would be blamed.
He turned around and looked Santa Boss square in the eyes,
He dropped all the dakka and said, “Here is your prize.”
“Deliver your bombs, axes, makes sure each has a gun,”
“If they have no weapons, killing them won’t be as much fun.”
Santa boss gathered up all the loot into a great huge pile,
He grabbed all the Dakka with a big toothy smile.
He said to Yarrick, “You done did the right thing,”
“Now we can have ourselves some proper fighting.”
He flew to the Waagh just as fast as he could,
Making sure they was armed up right good.
He shook hands with the Boss, you know the one I mean,
And he left him some words as he was parting.
“On this Orkzmas day twas learned that humies and Orkz as a lot,”
“Could get along for just one day a year why not.”
Boss Lorgis sighed with those words in his wits,
Then yelled to his boyz, “Naaaaaaww! Kill em’ all ya gitz!!!”
“MERRY ORKZMAS YA NOBS!!!”
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| A sack full of goodies for the boyz, nobz, and grotz. |
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| Plenty of Dakka and choppas for the boyz. |
